rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
