As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
