youre lurking in front of me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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