Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
