Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
