3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
