If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
