I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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