Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
