it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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