I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
