my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Mom said you looked used
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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