At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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