Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
