Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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