how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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