Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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