I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
