The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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