When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
