on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
