The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
