3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
