We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she told me i tasted like america
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
