Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
