she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
