So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i wish my penis had a tongue
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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