Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
