dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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