Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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