Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
