just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
