Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
