She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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