I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
