U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
