I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
