Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
