I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
