Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
