I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
