I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im calling her cock vulture from now on
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
