i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
