So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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