It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
