it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
