Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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