I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
