My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
