In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
